Surviving Trauma Town

Welcome to the beginning...
My introduction to the theory.

I have a theory. It is a big, complex, web of a theory that will take me some time to unpack. This blog series is the unpacking of that theory in written form.

It follows the entangled considerations of my own experience as I explain what it is I have come to observe and witness and be part of as I have existed.

My theory, in it's simplest form is that I believe populations of people have been systematically put into a sort of Stockholm Syndrome type trance, using mental, physical, emotional and spiritual abuse, spanning over hundreds of years.

That the systems and structures that we rely upon as the foundations of our society are actually means of control and manipulation. That despite the honourable initiations of these systems to help and support us they actually come at a price, our freedom, our autonomy and our sovereignty as individuals with the capacity to live as we choose.

For so long these systems have been corrupted by a culture of power as they have been passed through the same hands of the same families for hundreds (perhaps even thousands) of years. As we are indoctrinated and passed on narratives, traditions and subordinated control mechanisms most people have to idea of what it means to be free and will never experience life as a free and autonomous adult.

The connected societies we are experiencing now as a global community now have been part of an orchestrated motion for a long time. We are trapped in an illusion of coercive control that we don’t need but have been convinced is better for us. With no real evidence or surety it is, a deep sense of knowing things aren’t quite right, people are being harmed but little care or power to over escape the reality we find ourselves sharing.

At the helm of these systems is the indoctrination of our education, medicine and justice. The main flow of resource controlled through our need for and by supplying access to our food, water, energy and shelter. Our social support systems...

And of course the glue that binds us all together in this open prison we call global economics; money.

My theory ends with catastrophe, as many people before me have foretold… unless we can see the truth of our situation, we will become pawns in a war between ourselves, we never realised we were in. We will destroy ourselves willingly and blame those that we gave our collective power to, yet without our compliance they never would have had power to begin with.

We are trapped by a narrative of the normalcy of violence, torture and control that runs so deep we have accepted in exchange for an illusion of safety that doesn’t even exist.

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This theory is not original. Since I first realised it I have found many mutters and similar understandings. A whole wave of people who also see the same. Propaganda would call us “conspiracy theorists”. Yet for me the only theory is the longevity since the apparently of conspiracy can be tracked and trace by following the connections of money, power and resource.

The main concern for me is just how much corruption has been tolerated and in fact how unable we are to repair any of it. It is easy to see how minds and hearts can be corrupted. Just look at humans, how flawed we are, how easy to manipulate, how cruel we can be…but in my experience very few people intentionally manipulate and are maliciously cruel.

The unpicking of it all seems to come down to our individual healing and consciousness that would choose to end the patterns, normality and behaviours we perpetuate for ease, convenience of a life ruled by the subconscious mind.

But it is no easy thing to change. If it were we would not be here where we are with a population so much more expanded and intelligent that we ever previously thought possible.

For me it has happened by chance I have uncovered this theory, yet it all began through my own demise and a rebirth that could either be considered a spiritual awakening or a complete mental and physical breakdown.

But seemly the information I have gathered through my life experience is not unique. I am not the only one who was guided to uncover a massive, global control mechanism. It has taken me more than seven years to realise the full depth of control in it all and put the pieces together. Now I understand the web of my own experience, I would like to try and support others who think they see it to, to make sense of their version of it.

I have gathered evidence, recorded aspects of my experience, interactions with these social systems as I questioned, stood up for myself, tried to heal. Over a series of sharing I will reveal them and eventually a book as I publicly question my own narrative.

Am I the one who is corrupted and warped. Is it I who sees things in a harmful, cruel or unusual way. Or am I seeing through an illusion that has tricked so many of us for generations?

Patterns of Play

I am a designer. I am intuitive and have spent years observing nature and trying to make sense of my experience. I talk to people, read what they write and share day to day, I notice patterns, I channel information and ideas from the ether that make sense to many people when I share them.

I think we all have versions of the same theory through the living of our lives. We live in a reality composed of repeating patterns and cycles. We are created from and with these patterns and interconnected systems and cycles both physically and spiritually.

I think humans are deeply intuitive, emotive beings, despite our very dense physical reality we are sensitive in ways we rarely dare to explore since they are intensely difficult, to explain, measure and compare…this is why humans create art. The language of our feeling and our intuition.

We know the truth, always, we have however been taught to avoid the truth, always. This contradiction is the foundation of the reason why the theory of Trauma Town has been rejected and misdirected for such a long time.

The illusions of support and structure and safety supplied to keep us compliant that when one experiences dealings with these illusions we can see they are not all they appear to be. Yet the function of them seemingly playing out in such efficiently inefficient ways we can not deny they exist and are functioning and we assume and are shown with evidence they provide some sort of service to some degree of acceptance to some people.

Each person, job, role is part of the play. I call it a ‘play’ or refer to it as a ‘narrative’ because when you look beyond the surface you see most often you meet people playing roles or following the stores of others to provide these functions and systems. These plays, keep the cogs of the machine of this theory running, the play provides the illusion.

My version of the play, is one of detective work. I am a curious sort and not particular academically inclined but I have delved and dabbled in stories of history, science and asked questions, gathered research from my own curiously. I had a need to understand nature, the unseen and occult , exploring magic, energy and following etheric guidance from spiritual realms. It has lead me to know what I know now.

On some level we are ware now in the collective consciousness of generational trauma, generational wealth, even generational karma. But what about generational power, generational patterning, generational belief, traditions, power. Every structure we rely upon in our society relies upon this generational conditioning of our behaviour, our thoughts, and our nervous system responses.

We are all involved in this play, on every level (mental, emotional, physical and spiritual) whether we are aware of it or not. Whether we believe in that sort of thing or not; denial does not exempt you from mass manipulation. The intention behind the roles within the story we collectively create, vary. We have been pulled into a massive control drama as part of some sort of toxic family structure. A structure which is being used to direct our collective control drama, distracted, panicked and not paying attention off the proverbial cliff. Unless we become aware of the stream we are following and how our energy is being used, it is most likely you will be flowing with the crowd to a huge disaster.

As individuals we are generally all useless against our brainwashing yet as sovereign individuals we all have the power to choose for ourselves. I am going to reveal the truths I have uncovered through my life experience. It is not a professional, indoctrinated, doctorate of a theory, it is my blog, my story, my sharing and warped of course by my own bias of experience.

Some people will resonate with my style of telling this theory, others won't. My hope is that I can add to a collection of truth, an opening of our reality and hearts to see the illusion we are in and perhaps dare to repair the damage it causes and live in a reality created from a healthier place.

My intention is to tell a story of healing and not to blame anyone, yet I will hold accountable all the injustices I have witnessed, even if it is just through words on a screen. They will be witnessed by those who choose to see them. I found it is only when we learn to face and witness the effects of all roles in the play, can we recover from them.

I will talk about myself...a lot probably. It doesn’t mean or imply I think or I am claiming to know everything. I don’t, but I do I know my experience and I trust it for what it is worth.

It is time we all start to piece together our stories, share our version, share our truth of reality, so we can verify our experiences. So, in this blog I will be sharing about myself, my hope would be I inspire others to start sharing too, in whatever way they feel comfortable, with who ever they feel it is important to. This is just where I was urged to go.

Starting to understand my role in the play...

It feels like this blog has been a long time, in fact a lifetime, in the making yet it took a spontaneous moment of "I don't give a fuck!" for me to decide to tippy-tap it into action. After spending 25 years in silence afraid to speak my truth. Worried other people might be hurt or upset while I suffered in mental, emotional, physical and spiritual agony. I was living in Hell and blessed enough to be given glimpses of Heaven; I managed to survive the depths and the rapture.

I have so much I want to share, explore, unpack, analyse...for myself mainly, so I can understand it, own it, name it, heal from it, forgive it and move on. I have been through a lot…several times. I have dealt with experiences from places of what I would consider unconsciousness and conscious observation of them. My analysis of knowing what I was seeing and understanding what I was feeling and experiencing, helpful.

My healing journey in some ways became addictive as I become stronger and healthier and more and more certain of myself every day. Believing in my experience, my view point and the value I can bring to the world. Why would that be a revelation... well because I have spent my life believing it wasn't.

There were periods I managed to find myself and forget the bullshit, those precious moments and experience that have kept me alive and sane enough to not give up on my personal quest for truth. But it was and is hard. My humanity, the binds of my body, my cycles, my patterns my past can have a very real grip on whatever change we might hope to make. And this is the power of the theory.

For as long as I can remember I have either been ignored or bullied or coerced or controlled in one way or another. My adaption was to try and figure out exactly what was wrong with me to protect myself from it happening again and again in a tragic, never ending cycle. It has been an epic journey to uncover within myself with many layers of understanding and experience to unpack which I am ready to express.

I have no illusions of myself or illusions of perfection I don't believe in my rightness I don't want to prove anyone's wrongness. I am very aware of my faults, flaws and mistakes I have made and I am ready to understand the role I have played in the trauma and abuse cycle of life, as well all have.

Everyone has a unique view of the play and it is in the conversation after we all get to enjoy the subtle elements of it's beauty or singular view missed. I use nature to try and understand my version of the play and I make stories of the connections between its threads. All I can know is myself, my perspective and what I have lived through.

For me, this is a micro and a macro journey. It stems from my personal experience to the experience of an entire town, to the experience of our nation, the experience of our entire humanity which is mirrored in the story of our mother Earth and her epic saga with our multiversal energies.

I am not "normal" nor will I ever be...or ever would I want to be given my experiences! I have been given the experiences I have because of this. I have also been given labels and all sorts of reasoning by the narratives of our society why I should not matter, be heard, be belived or be considered.

Yet I do... I matter to me, I consider myself, I believe my experience, I express myself anyway.

I know myself now I know who I am, what I am capable of, where my limits are. I know my motivations, my fears, I know what I need, how to get it and how to keep myself safe, eventually.

I know my mind and I am sane now, I think fo myself and make my own decisions. I have learnt how to be a healthy adult and am practicing living it.

It has taken years, a horrid epic struggle and massive amounts of dedication to get to this point. Telling my story will take some time and I want to tell it so those who are attracted to it and resonate with my experiences my find some solidarity with their experiences too and catch their sanity too.

I was never taught how to be healthy adult, not in real life. On paper I was but it didn't seem real, it all felt so false and untrue and now I know why and want to understand where perception and experiences meet and find truth.

If I was never taught how to thrive, why wasn’t I? Was it intentional, accidental or incidental?
If I have always been controlled by whom? If I am free, why do I have to pay to exist?

I am ready to explore...